I lied to my boss, my roommate, my mother and about 400 friends on facebook, all within the space of 20 minutes. Yeah, whatever.
Father, I have sinned. I stole a cab from an old lady in the rain last night. It was cold and rainy, I wasn’t about to let that slow old bag into the cab. Oops.
no confession included
Does that even count as a “sin”?
I hate my own old life. I don’t want this bajillion dollar a year job I’m taking. I just want to stay here, in my safe, mediocre life. Oh and I think I want to be a mom. Yeah. After 20 years of bucking that middle America bullshit and coveting a high and mighty career, I think I just realized I want to sit at home, cook, clean and take care of people who love me. As opposed to being constantly stabbed in my back over bullshit.
I web stalked a stripper once.
I like the smell of my own farts.
I also fucked someone on Intel, but he had a small penis, so I stopped. Am I wrong to judge?
i was petting, literally, my cat’s genitals because he likes it when i do that and then i started getting a hard on and then i rubbed MY genitals against him for a while…
I used to fuck someone on Intel but she never called me back
Last night I was stumbling home from the bars, and I noticed a female with broad shoulders standing on a corner. As a walked by, she asked me if I’d like a half n half for $100. I inquired with her what exactly a half n half was, and she told me she would show me back at my apartment. So back at my apartment we started kissing, and then eventually making out. I started to slowly pull up her skirt, until I found out that she wasn’t a woman. But I decided to just go with it anyway, and had one of the best nights of my life
After a long night of bar hopping, I ran into a guy I had met a month or two ago. When we first met, he texted me and asked to perform a sexual act on me. My boyfriend saw the text and I declined and we lost touch. To make a long story short, I ended up going home with him last night and spent the night with him. We didn’t have sex, perse; however it was definitely a breakup-able offense.
the boy across the street who is a star goal keeper on a local side, asked me to take him to the local turkish bath where he stripped off his towel and made hanky panky with himself. beautiful body lovely skin. actually pretty peepee. long and smooth. but he has too much respect for me to use me he said. he loves me too much. our hugs and kisses are rare and platonic. it was fun to watch. 1000% better than any internet cam for hire.
I totally had one of those KFC Double Down sandwiches. With fries. And potato salad. Forgive me.